I have to be honest, the kindergarten-feelings surprised me. I had no idea how emotional and nervous I would be to send my baby off into the world for the first time. I was doing great until the day before, but then I had to start shopping for school supplies because I didn’t have any time earlier, and things began to feel very real and I got this sad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The next day, Little T was excited because it was a new adventure for him. I thought-hey, I’m glad one of us is taking this well.
We parked far away from school and walked, because I love taking walks with my little man and I thought it would be a fun routine for us. He was telling me about the smells, the sounds, and he was noticing everything new. He said school smelled like a carrot patch, haha.
When he got to class, he had this feeling of independence about him. The teacher excused them one by one to go sit with their parents, and at first he wanted to stay with the kids. I was glad that he wanted to be with his new friends, but a little sad too-in the way that tiny moments of independence are gentle reminders that someday they aren’t going to need you the way they need you now.
We went through the centers together, and Little T especially loved hearing the rules. I suspect it’s so he can make sure his friends follow them, lol. ;) At ten, they excused the parents to go to the cafeteria for a BooHoo breakfast. I went to say goodbye to Little T, thinking I needed to hold it together because he was being tough and independent and I needed to let him be that way. When I gave him a hug and said goodbye, he grabbed onto me as hard as he could and began to cry. I was surprised at how intense he needed me all of the sudden. I told him that I loved him and that he was going to have a great day, and that I’d see him soon. He grabbed onto my legs as I began to walk towards the door, and I had to take his hands off my legs and make an exit. I saw the teacher give him a stuffed animal to hold, and I knew he was in good hands.
It was stressful to leave him, but I think it is nice to also have a gentle reminder-or maybe a not so gentle reminder-that they still need you, too.
After class, he said that kindergarten was hard because he had to sit still and his body felt squirmy, but he said he loved his teacher and that she was his new best friend, so he’s in good hands.
The next day was easier. He came home telling me all about it and couldn’t wait to go back. Today was harder because we had to drop him off at the front gate and couldn’t walk them to class. I said a quick goodbye and made an exit before he could turn around, and I ducked into the office. I saw him turn around and not see me there. It broke my heart and I had to fight the urge to run back out there.
All of the parents stood at the kindergarten gate and watched to make sure their kids made it over (heehee). I saw Little T wandering around the playground looking lost, and it was hard to see him struggle and not be able to run over and help him fit in. But then his friends from daycare arrived, and the ran towards each other and gave a giant five person hug. It made all the parents cry. I’m so glad they have each other to get through this transition and comfort each other.
But overall he is doing well, I didn’t expect to be so sad about it and have it tug at my heartstrings the way it has. I know the days will get easier as the weeks go by. One day, Big T and I will laugh about how torn up we were when Little T started kindergarten. :)