How am I doing? Better, since I’ve gotten home. It’s hard to explain how I feel. It reminds me of when I volunteered by answering emergency phone lines during Hurricane Katrina. I’d go from spending hours talking with a devastated husband while we worked on locating his wife who’d passed away during the hurricane, to having to act pleasant while I waited tables in a restaurant. It’s strange seeing everyone be fine when you’ve experienced something so violent. It feels like the world just tilted, but you’re the only person who can feel it.
Big T and I went to see a friend/counselor on Saturday. We talked about everything and worked out how we’re going to move forward from here. I have to remember that what I experienced was rare. I’ve been telling myself that it’s safe to walk down the street with Little T, and that most people don’t have guns in their pockets.
While the image of what happened slowly fades, I think about how I’m grateful that we weren’t injured. I’m glad Little T wasn’t old enough to know what happened, and I’m so glad we all made it home safe. My heart hurts for the family of the man who died. I also have a lot more respect for the police force and the danger they put themselves in. It was surreal to see and feel that danger first hand. I could never do it.
So basically, I’m getting through it. We spent the weekend on the couch eating popcorn and watching Harry Potter movies. I’ve been getting more Disneyland photo shoot requests, so I’m going to get an annual pass and I might take Little T to Disneyland this week so we can cheer ourselves (me) up. I took a break from work this weekend, but today life goes on and I have to keep moving forward.